Cracking
by Orcrist's Mate
Summary: Oneshot. "Am I broken, Simon?" River contemplates the nature of appearances and what lies beneath them.


**Note: I bow before Boss Joss and everything ;). No characters in this story belong to me, sadly - they are property of Joss Whedon. And whatever studio he used, I guess.**

**This is my first fanfiction ever, so I would really appreciate any reviews, good or bad. Enjoy!**

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The mirror stood there, serenely reflecting the world.

River smiled as she slipped out of her clothes - contraptions of fibers forced upon her by society, hampering natural movement - and gracefully moved into its view, wearing only her undergarments. Now she was reflected too, part of the world, and her inclusion in it was intensely beautiful. Shadows cast by the awkward lighting of her room fell across her skin, and she was mesmerized as she moved around a bit, the dark bars creating patterns across her, linking her to the floor, to _Serenity_.

The ground was steady at first, but as River spread her senses out into the ship, her feet became aware of the steady pulsing and grinding of the ship's engine, sending minute tremors across the metal flooring that would not have been picked up by shoes. She tapped her foot in time to the shaking, tuning herself further to the ship, desiring a deeper bond to her true home. Letting her mind wander out a little farther, she flew down the wires, the synapses of the Firefly, moving in time to the electrical impulses, dancing to a beautiful tune that only she could hear.

Her connection was shown in the mirror, in the image of her legs and arms curled around her, then flying out in simple but weighted patterns. A simple reflective coating added to burnished glass, yet it revealed beneath the surface if you looked hard enough.  
"Magic mirror." She murmured out loud, and giggled.

The laughter faded quickly, though, as River realized that she had extended too far, lowered the barriers of her mind too much to repair them instantly. For now she was flying past the crew corridors and the emotions were crushing in on her, the dam was breaking, the mirror shattering, and she was defenseless against the flood of grief and rage and lust and fear that were the dreams of the sleeping crew.

_-running running and he trips to see the pallid faces of the dead rising to meet him-_

_-a hand stretches out and the husband dies as the wife moves away abandoning-_

_-and the statue crashes into the muddy ground as his mother watches silently-_

_-strawberries-_

_-the arrows fly but none hit the target-_

_-...River?-_

And now the mirror reflected her ashen face as her mouth stretched into a silent scream and her hands slapped over her ears. The tremors in the floor were masked as heavy footfalls rumbled the room and her door slid open. A black cloud of concern blocked all other emotions broadcast from her brother.

"...River?" Her fingers curled around the rim of her ears, and fresh tears - this time mingled slightly with those of relief - burst out of her, more water from the dam that never dried up. Simon was here, and he was blocking out the desperate cries in the night with the warmth and concern that shone out from him, warmth only she was privy to, concern stored solely for her.

"Wha-" Simon was cut off as his sister fell towards him and clung to his chest like it was a lifeline.

"They got in again! Voices everywhere... dreams that aren't hers... she doesn't want them, Simon! Make them go away! Please!"

The man closed his eyes and rocked her. "Shh. I'm here. And I'm trying, River, we're all trying. I'll take care of you, like we've always done for each other... I promise."

He held her for a long time, until her sobs quieted. Only then did he raise his head and gave a nervous start.

"Uh... why is there a mirror in here? That's not... _Inara's_, is it?" River turned her head and regarded the precious object with a wry smile.

"Magic mirror reveals all." She said, wiping away the tear tracks on her face. "Even things she doesn't want to see. Mirror mirror on the wall, who's the craziest of them all? Who's broken? Smash her glass to reveal the cracks..."

Simon sighed through his nose, still rubbing his sister's back. Her lucid periods were becoming shorter... he needed to start introducing another type of medication.

She pulled away abruptly at this line of thought in her otherwise beloved brother. "Am I broken, Simon?"

"What- no, of course you're not!" He said fiercely, moving forward to hug her again. The girl skipped out of his reach, frowning, and turned to the mirror once more.

"Zoe is."

He sat heavily on the bed. Sleep was still clearing from his head, and the exhaustion of dealing with another of her outbursts made him somewhat slower than usual. Instead of saying anything, he just gazed over the scene. How had she even gotten it in here, anyways?River continued, staring at her own reflection. "Day by day she shines the glass more and more, hopes the tiny fissures go unnoticed. Day by day they grow deeper. Distorting. No one there to fix her, no one there to notice. How long before she disappears into the cracks?"

A slender finger reached out to trace the outline of the mirror. "The Captain was real, once. Not faded like our one. But he got smashed, and all we have is a jagged piece of him."

The wandering digit found a small nick in the plane of glass, and began to worm into it. "All are cracked, all cracks are patched up. Patches grow weaker, and soon we see the ugliness through the tape. Why not reveal it?"

Simon realized what she was about to do a second too late, and his hand caught only recycled air as, with a calculated push from her finger, River exploited the mirror's weak spot. With a slight tinkling, huge plates of glass split off, smashing on the floor and sending out sprays of tiny shards that peppered her and Simon. Grabbing her waist, he pulled her back onto the bed with him, highly aware of the damage glass could cause. She was laughing, pointing at the chipped, bare piece of iron where the mirror had once been. Several shards of glass clung desperately to the edges, isolated against the cold metal behind them.

"See?" River giggled. Simon bit his lip, frowning. Mirrors were rare and prized objects on the Outer Rim worlds. The destruction of this one was not going to make anybody on board happy.  
River suddenly became solemn as she examined a long, deep cut on her finger.

"Finger's cracked, Simon. Broken."

He gently lifted her hand and looked at the cut. "If we go and stitch it up, I think it'll be just fine. The mirror, on the other hand-"

Just as softly, she pulled her arm back and looked at it once more.

"Can tell it's broken. There are marks."

He nodded, unsure where this was headed. River held both her arms out and examined them carefully. Then she glanced up at Simon, and leaned forward so their faces were only inches apart. Her eyes swept his features, looking for something. Obviously not finding it, she sat back on her haunches.

"We're all broken. All of us." Her fingers ran over the unblemished shin of her face. "But where are _our_ marks?"

Simon didn't even have to say anything. Sensing that no answer was forthcoming, River sighed and curled up into a fetal position.

"Other's dreams are gone for now. Time for her own. She hopes. No needles." He leaned over and kissed her temple, then covered her with the blanket resting nearby.

"Goodnight, River."

Her breathing was already deep and regular. Simon was left alone to stare at the ragged splinters of glass and wonder if any of the others had heard it crumble.

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**Review, please! I hope I've done at least a little justice to River's character.**


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